The Uncover YOU podcast

Ep 188: From “Why didn’t I learn this?” to “I’m here to lead”

• Eva Beronius • Season 3 • Episode 188

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Have you felt frustrated that certain essential life skills—like feeling your emotions, regulating your nervous system and create connection—weren't taught to you as a child? I've heard this countless times from clients, and I've felt it myself. But what if this perspective is making things heavier than they have to be?

In this episode, I invite you into a revolutionary way of viewing your relational growth journey. The evolution of human consciousness isn't something that happened long ago—it's unfolding right now, with you at the cutting edge. 

There's no "behind" in this journey, only the perfect place you're meant to be right now.

Let's put down the heavy burden of feeling inadequate or thinking you should have mastered these skills already. Instead, see yourself as the pioneer in the dojo of life, practicing at the boundaries of what humans have previously known. 

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Registration is open for The Relationship Revolution. My free online dojo starting July 10th.

Followed by the Embodied Relationship Academy starting in August.

Let's grow together into the relationship leaders we're capable of becoming.

Eva:

The relationship revolution continues and, oh my God, so many of you have already signed up and you reached out to me even before the registration had opened and said can I already now have the free sessions in the relationship revolution? But the truth was that they hadn't happened yet. The truth was that they hadn't happened yet. So the live sessions, the live dojo, the live training will happen July 10 to 15. And today I'm here with a super impactful topic for you, and I love these little, simple shifts that has a huge impact, simple shifts that has a huge impact. And this is exactly it in the relationship revolution that I'm talking about to shift your attention and and look at, bring awareness, what's been alive, what's been planted in the soil of your inner garden, what narratives, narratives you're living by and how that actually impacts the experience that you're having. So let's dive into this revolutionary, rebellious little shift right away. And you don't have to believe me, you don't have to agree with me or think of what I'm sharing here or anytime as truth, but you can try it on, you can try it in your inner garden and see how it ripples out. And that's actually how I want to think of all of these things that I share with you, like taste them, try them, plant that little seed and see. Does that feel different? Does that feel closer to truth? Does that feel lighter, freer, more expansive? And that might mean that it feels challenging to begin with because other parts that are like but what about my belief over here? I'm not ready to let it go, but that's okay because you're a paradox and you don't have to get rid of other things to start planting new seeds. It can all exist in there. But the more something grows, stronger, and start to influence and impact, penetrate other aspects of you because it's nourished by you, yeah, maybe, naturally, other things will start to fall away. So the mindset shift that I'm inviting you into today is and we'll start first with what we often tend to believe.

Eva:

This is a question that I get often from clients, from people moving through my programs or showing up to the webinars, or just kind of a reaction or a comment or a response to some of the things I'm sharing, and they will say something along the lines of and I've said this too and I've thought this too and I've been in sadness and grief about it and moved through all the layers with it. So I'm not saying it's wrong at all, I'm just going to fast track you a little bit into something more helpful. So the comment I often get when I share like so your job is to go in and feel your emotions, or it's so important for you to regulate your nervous system and not and to recognize that you're in a survival state and get into your body. So when I teach these things and people recognize oh, this is so simple, is this it? And then often the next comment is why did no one teach me this? Why do we not learn these things in school? Why was I taught the complete opposite of this? So these are, of course, just examples of what I might be talking about, but there's often a sense of grief when we learn that, oh my God, maybe for my whole life I've been doing something that hasn't been so helpful for me and now I'm getting to know what is helpful.

Eva:

And there's grief, frustration, sadness, anger, you know. And there is. There's value in that, there's validity in that, there's grace in that. Even Like, yeah, feel that, feel that emotion coming up, it's like, ah, here it is. But be a little observant of the stories coming with it, because often what I see in myself and in others is that it's coming from a place that is projecting how something should have been. And that's the story, the belief that I want to challenge a bit today, because I would even say that it's outright wrong. It's outright wrong, outright a lie.

Eva:

Okay, because if you look at the expansion of human consciousness, the evolution of human consciousness, I see it as a reflection of the universe and the creation of life being in an expansion since the Big Bang and who knows what was before that. So we're still in that expansion. The stars, the planets are still moving away from each other. We're rushing through space. Big Bang is still happening. The human consciousness, and the evolution of it is ongoing, is happening.

Eva:

So when we look at something like this and saying, oh, why didn't I learn this? Why didn't someone model this for me? Why didn't someone treat me this way, it's simply because they didn't know how, it wasn't the time yet, we hadn't reached that point in human evolution, in the development of human consciousness, where it was time to learn that skill and we could say, like, well, but it's a natural thing to just be with your emotions and it's more like we forgot it. And isn't that sad? Yeah, you know that's if you enjoy that story, if that narrative brings you something, and you get like return of your investment when you invest your attention and your faith into that story and you feel like, oh, what I'm getting back from believing in that story. It's like feels really good to me.

Eva:

So I'm just saying that, like, all these stories are kind of made up and you get to make up like the perspective where you're getting more return of investment when you put your faith in it without so much attachment, but you're like, yeah, this is what I want to nourish, this is what I want to grow in my inner garden, as we talked about in the last episode, in the previous episode, like I'm getting something beautiful back. So, track this, look at this not just with this belief, but I wanted to give you, like this story, this narrative, as an example. So, yeah, if you're like, well, it's sad that humanity has forgotten about that. Well, who knows where all of this fits into the bigger picture, who knows what it meant that we like kind of got disconnected from our bodies and traveled into our minds and what got evolved and developed because of that. And now, like, when you see this and have an option. It's up to you what you want to make of that, and I want to tell you that it's quite again revolutionary that when you make a different decision, when you let your attention go into your body instead of outside on the situation, on the conflict, on the other person, on the thing that needs to get solved, on the problem and you instead come into your body with your attention and you feel what's there, you're doing something revolutionary, not just for yourself, but you're doing it for the evolution of human consciousness in a direction where you want it to go. So what I want to tell you is that you're cutting edge. This is it.

Eva:

It you're on the front line of of the evolution of human consciousness, and your children even more so, and their children even more so, just like your parents were on the front line of human consciousness and looking back and saying well, they should have taught me how to regulate, how to feel my emotions, how to love all of me, when that wasn't something that they got modeled. They had their own thing to learn in their chapter of human evolution, and it wasn't this. So why would we project or say that this lesson that we have or this thing that we are evolving into and learning, that it should have been taught to us 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years ago. No, that wasn't theirs to learn. And I know that you know, often we can look back at our parents and we're like, well, that sucked, why did they treat me that way? And then maybe we learn some more compassion and we start seeing them as humans and we see like, okay, they did the best they could.

Eva:

But I want to take this further and even say, well, they weren't meant to learn what you're learning. They weren't meant to know. They had their own thing and they were fighting with their cutting edge thing where they were expanding the boundaries, the borders of human consciousness from what they were up against, from what they were taught. So just see where this lands in you, just see if that gives you. Just plant that seed in your inner garden and try it out, and you can always like uproot it, remove it, but just like see what springs from that. Huh, okay, it's not even that.

Eva:

Oh, I don't blame my parents for not, or school or whatever the decade when I I grew up, that for not teaching me this and oh, they didn't know better, but also, like we weren't supposed to, because you're supposed to learn this exact thing and see if it takes away some of the pressure of like I should know this and other people know how to do this and I'm somehow messed up or failing because I don't like know it and I was like that's not it. We're here to fumble with this. We're here to be in the dojo with this. It's not about knowing it already, because then there wouldn't be anything to expand into, there wouldn't be anything to overcome, to learn if you already knew it all. This is what we're here for to expand. This is the journey we're doing of being in this dojo.

Eva:

In this dojo, I very much see life like this human experience where a part, a drop of that big ocean of consciousness has just like moved into this soul, this body that is me on this planet in this moment, and it's having a separate experience from, from everything else. And it's here and it's like exploring and experiencing all these things and this little human with this history and with this, these genetics, and like all the cards that were handed to this human, and it's like oh, wow. And we get to rub up against something, we get to bump our heads into something and like why isn't this working and why is this so hard? And we do it as individual humans, but we also do it as the human race, as all of us. So, whatever you practice, whatever you practice whatever you like, train your neural pathways to do, train your nervous system to do. It's part of the human evolution and something that's then passed on, something that's been conquered.

Eva:

And your kids, you know, I'm sorry to say, but it's not like they're going to be super grateful for the things that you taught them, for the things that you taught them, because they're going to have new things to conquer, but it's because you were willing to learn that thing. So you, learning the thing that you didn't get from your parents now allows the next generation to learn something new. It's not like your kid's going to be like oh, my god, amazing, you finally solved it, the whole mystery of humankind. And here it is, and I'm so grateful that you taught me to be with my emotion. For them, that will be more natural. It'll be like, yeah, cool, yeah, of course, thank you. Like, yeah, downloaded, done, you did that. And they will look back and like mom, dad, like, why didn't you teach me this thing? And now I have to figure it out and that's exactly, in my opinion, how it's supposed to be, in my opinion, how it's supposed to be.

Eva:

So how about, instead of you beating yourself up for not being there yet, you're willing to be in the dojo. You're willing to be cutting edge. You're willing to practice going into your body with your attention and feel the emotion, instead of believing the story that comes with it, instead of directing your attention outward on the situation. You're like, ah, bringing it back. And instead of like running with the old protection patterns, you're like, willing to, and even if it's that one out of 10 times where you're like, I'm going to take those breaths, I'm going to regulate my nervous system. So that's why I'm so passionate about talking about this dojo. It's not so much about arriving, it's about the willingness to be here and expand our nervous systems, to train our neural pathways in new ways, and that is the revolution in itself.

Eva:

So, again, checking in with yourself, just this new perspective. If it's landing in you, if it's resonating like, how is it rippling out? What can you let go of that you've been believing If this, if you were to take on this belief, if you were to plant this little seed in your inner garden if you were to nourish this perspective. It's like huh, does that take any pressure off? Does it ripple out into an allowance of being exactly where you're at and just practice from here? There's nowhere else you're supposed to be, you're not behind. There's no one else that has figured it out better or more than you. So in that sense, like of Ram Dass, like we're all walking each other home, but we're also walking each other beyond the borders of where we've been. We're conquering new territory every time, and every time you're practicing, every time you're doing something different, you're mapping a new part of the unknown, part of the unknown. This is why, if you can feel like how impactful a little simple shift like that can be, this is why mindset and understanding where our reactive patterns, where our relationship dynamics have come from and why it hasn't been working to do what we've been doing. That's why that's our first session inside of the Relationship Revolution and this podcast is going to take a break for a couple of weeks because I'm going to turn my attention into the live sessions.

Eva:

But it's not just the live sessions, because there's also a private, secret podcast that comes with it that gets available as soon as you register for the Relationship Revolution. So as soon as you sign up you'll get a confirmation email and in there is a link to our secret podcast episode where I've already posted the first episode with you starting to tracking things like that this what have you been believing about yourself? And then, once you've written some things down, you take that with you into our first session. And if you can't be there live, you watch the replays and the replays will also get posted inside of this secret podcast. So if you're like I'm so tired of sitting in front of a computer screen or simply don't have time because other things are going on that week, then you take that podcast with you as you're driving, as you're taking a walk, as you're doing something nice for yourself, taking a bath, whatever it is listen with a friend, with your partner. So there are so much more to the relationship revolution and these sessions than just the sessions and there are bonus practices. If you do show up live and if you're there live for all three sessions, you also have a chance to win a spot in one of my programs.

Eva:

So this is the biggest, like deepest impact free training I've ever done and I want to really share with you, kind of wrapping up a decade of I don't know. It's not even wrapping up. It's really like reaping the benefits, like taking the fruit, harvesting the fruit. That's what I'm looking for From everything that I've learned and taught and guided through and coached and all the conversations that I've had with people during this decade, and like creating a new era of relationships, seeing everywhere where we've been fumbling and making ourselves wrong for where we're at, and like flipping that upside down. And that's what I want to share with you.

Eva:

And it goes in the mindset aspect. It goes into the deep emotional aspect You're going to walk away with a very different relationship with your emotions after these sessions and it goes into the nervous system, making yourself feeling safe, being in relationship again. So high impact. We're going deep. We're going for real shifts, not another webinar. It's a dojo. Come be in the dojo with me. I can't wait to get started. If you haven't registered yet, you find the link wherever you found this podcast episode.