The Uncover YOU podcast
The Uncover YOU podcast
Ep 182: Welcome to the Relationship Revolution
Ready to reimagine everything you thought you knew about relationships? Season 3 of the Uncover You podcast turns conventional self-development upside down.
For too long, you've told yourself that you need to "fix" yourself to deserve love. You've internalized the belief that success means you've "healed enough" to have a good relationship. This mindset creates endless cycles of shame and self-judgment when relationships don't go as planned.
What if your attachment wounds, your sensitivity, and your relationship challenges aren't obstacles to overcome but specialized training for deeper connection? What if people who have consciously worked through attachment trauma actually make better relationship leaders than naturally secure attachers who haven't developed these emotional muscles?
This season, I'm sharing my own messy, beautiful journey through relationships. I'm not speaking from some imaginary mountaintop of perfect healing—I'm right in the trenches with you, learning to love my nervous system responses, finding gold in my "crazy episodes," and showing you that relationship growth isn't about reaching some mythical destination of perfection.
The Relationship Revolution is about tending to three intertwined gardens: your inner landscape, your partner's inner world, and the relationship itself. It's about rejecting one-size-fits-all dating advice that creates more shame when it fails. It's about recognizing that your unique path to love might look nothing like someone else's—and that's exactly how it should be.
Are you ready to rebel against outdated relationship paradigms and discover the leader you're meant to be?
Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships
Join me in Alchemy where I teach you the four pillars to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns
A warm, warm welcome back to the Uncover you podcast and to season three. Did you hear that we have a new intro? It was time to give it a little update and it's been a couple of months since I released a new podcast episode, which hasn't happened in a while because for two years straight I've been publishing new podcast episodes every week and it felt really good to take some time and feel into what's next. And in that void, in that space, some beautiful, beautiful things have been coming through. So in this episode I want to welcome you to season three and tell you about what kind of shenanigans we will be up to in this season, because I'm doing something very different.
Eva Beronius:Something's been stirring in me also from some of the comments I get. Also from some of the comments I get some of the content and advice I see out there around relationships and social media, on YouTube and podcasts, whatever it is, and I want to get very just, real, raw and honest with you. So in this season I want to share and sprinkle experiences from my own journey, and not just from where I've been but where I'm at, because some of you ask me like so, eva, are you in a successful relationship? I get comments, sometimes on Facebook, because you know like I want to know that you've gotten there. So let me start right there and get to the core of the matter here. Get to the heart of the matter, because I do not believe that the end success of your life is to have a relationship and I'll tell you a lot more about that, because that might seem weird, strange, coming from a love coach, someone teaching you around having relationships. But I really believe, and I'll make this clear, but I really believe that that belief is when it's lodged somewhere in our unconscious, and sometimes we're very aware of it and kind of working towards it, we are not doing ourselves a favor. So where am I at at this moment?
Eva Beronius:Well, my history, my background, is that I've had probably around three longer like long-term committed relationships and then there's been dating in between. I have a daughter who's turning 18 in you know, some couple of weeks, and my relationships, the long-term relationship, has often been around five, six years long, and the last long-term relationship that I came out of this was about a little more than two years ago, and after that I really wanted and needed to take my time and not to rush into anything new. I really needed everything to be felt because it was a big one. It was a big experience. I've shared some around it before in the podcast but it really was something that moved me at the core in different ways. Some of it was really painful experiences and uncomfortable and some of it was, you know, incredible and amazing, and I really needed time to ground into. Where am I at, where am I doing relationships from? And I also felt this calling from my heart and my soul that you know, next time you step into a relationship, it will be a new level of relationship. So it's time for an upgrade, it's time for an up-leveling, and I deeply and truly believe that this is possible also when you're in a committed relationship, when you're in a committed partnership, that make these big up-levelings. It's just in my case it happened going through a separation, a breakup, and that up-leveling wanted to come through me. So these are some things that I think is really important to talk about and for you to consider. What kind of relationship is it that I want? Am I just stepping back into kind of something similar of what I've had before? And I'm not just talking about the traits of the other person or how they meet you or how they love you, but kind of how you are showing up. Is it time for an up-leveling there? Because that will bring you if you're willing to take that journey, that will bring you into a very different experience of your next relationship.
Eva Beronius:So in this season, in season three, what I want to bring you into is a relationship rebellion. It's a relationship revolution. Revolution because the rebellion, I think, really consists of that us, the people that have been looking at ourselves as broken. Something is not working. Why am I not getting to that relationship that other people seem to have? I think it's time for us to really rise as leaders in relationship because when we are willing to move through the obstacles, the pain, the protector patterns that we kind of were born into and that we created along the way and that we were conditioned with way and that we were conditioned with, when we learn to move through that, we are way better leaders in loving relationships than you know to begin with securely attached people because they haven't taken that journey. So I want to invite you into this rebellion, if you're up for it, into this relationship revolution where everyone that has experienced insecure, attachment, avoidant, anxious people that have experienced attachment trauma, people that have experienced other kinds of trauma, people that have experienced feeling unsafe of trauma, people that have experienced feeling unsafe in relationship and that are on the journey of overcoming that, to really like.
Eva Beronius:Look at yourself as the future and current leaders of loving relationships. There's nothing wrong with you. You were born into this experience in this lifetime. You, as consciousness, are as pure, expansive and loving as anyone else and somehow, maybe you chose, maybe it happened. I don't know how all of this works, how we end up in this human experience as this person, right, but you entered this experience and maybe it was a choice, maybe, who knows, no-transcript that is here to love and move this human through all life experiences. It's like consciousness is in there, wanting to have the experience of you and you've been making you wrong. Oh, I shouldn't be having this kind of pain, I shouldn't be having this kind of struggle, I shouldn't be having this life experience. It means I'm not there yet, it means I'm not healed. But for me, consciousness is here to have the experience that you are having and you're in there as consciousness and you're here to move that little human from suffering and into more love. And that doesn't even mean that you need to leave suffering behind, because I think part of the human experience is always going to be suffering. It's how do you bring love into all those corners where we feel alone, abandoned, rejected, so that love can be there with us through those experiences?
Eva Beronius:So, in this rebellion, this relationship revolution that I'm inviting you onto, I want to bust some myths, okay, and I want to do that by telling my own story, because maybe you're sitting there and like thinking, oh yeah, but she's got it all figured out and her nervous system is so attuned and feels so safe and is so regulated as this beautiful orchestra and it's not. You know, I'm in here working with this little human and I've learned to love her, I've learned to love her nervous system and every day I'm getting to know her and tending to her inner garden in the way that it becomes more loving, more expansive. Yeah, and just a beautiful, beautiful experience for her. I'm here to love her into existence, into her full expression of self in her life and relationships, expression of self in her life and relationships. And I, you know, I can't find a better place to practice that than in relationship, whether you're in one or not, just thinking about one, just desiring one, just having dating experiences or situationships will bring things up for you will be the perfect mirror. So, as I'm taking you through this journey and sharing in season three of the podcast and where I'll also share my own stories from recent events that my nervous system is moving through, that I'm moving through, I want to bust some myths. So let's come back to that. What are the myths that I want to bust? Well, so let's come back to that. What are the myths that I want to bust? Well, we've talked about it.
Eva Beronius:Success means a happy relationship. It's like, once you have a happy relationship, that means you finally made it. Ah, you finally made it. You won in life. Okay, you won this game of healing.
Eva Beronius:When you have this belief, you're setting yourself up for so much shame, guilt, failure, like heavy expectations. Instead, I truly believe that life will keep happening. You might step into a relationship and it might be the one that you're really excited about, like, yes, this one I'm willing to work for. This is the most magnificent person I've ever met. And there will still be things where you're not quote-unquote compatible or where friction will come up, because I truly believe that you're here to teach each other. Okay, you have stronger skills, you have parts that has been allowed to evolve and other aspects of you that have stayed in the shadow.
Eva Beronius:The same thing for the other person and it's highly likely that you might be, or some of us are, attracted to, in a way, the polar opposites, because our soul wants to learn the thing that the other person is good at. And if we look at that as the problem, yeah, then we'll have problems. But if we look at that as a gift, as an opportunity oh my God, I'm here to teach you things and you're here to teach me things Teach me instead of sitting in our corner and saying everything that doesn't look like the way I do, it is wrong. So that openness to being taught by each other and to ask each other like, wow, that's amazing, the way that you're caring for others, or being aware of what's going on in a room Wow, like, how do you do that? Like energetically and with your attention, like, how do you do that? I don't know how to do that.
Eva Beronius:Or for the other person, it's like, oh my god, I watch you just stand for your own wantings and desires and always putting them first, like, how do you do that. How does that work inside of your brain, inside of your heart? Can you like walk me through it and teach me? So this way, the relationship becomes this third entity it's you, it's the other person and it's the relationship, and there's a beautiful creation in there that you get to tend to and care for. So now we have three gardens we have your inner garden, we have the other person's inner garden and we have the garden of the relationship. And all these three entities, all these three gardens, have different needs and ways that we can nourish them with. So if you're walking around with the sense of like, when I get to the finish line, meaning when I finally step into a relationship where someone loves me enough, that means I've healed enough.
Eva Beronius:Yeah, think again, think again. Being able to be in a relationship, to be able to move through the obstacles, the hardships, the friction, the conflicts that show up there. It's not about you trying to get away from all of that inside of you so you will finally be healed, so you can step into your perfect love story, happily, ever after experience. No, you're training to be able to show up as the relationship that you want to be in, where you have capacity to move through obstacles, to move through friction and to grow from that, to deepen from that. So that is very much along the lines of what I want to share with you in this season, by opening up to my own journey and my own experiences. This is how I'm learning and growing from what I'm encountering in my dating experiences, in my relationship experiences.
Eva Beronius:So, yeah, these are some of the myths that I want to bust that you're not there yet, like what you're experiencing now someone rejecting you or being avoidant or needy and bringing their trauma and overbearing or whatever it is. It doesn't mean that you're not there yet. It just means that you have the perfect reflection in practicing things in your life and that it's not about that everything will be fine once you're in a relationship like I made it through that maze and finally stepped through the door into the kingdom of heaven and now everything's going to be fine. It's like no things are going to show up and you are practicing for that. You're becoming a more mature, loving person so that you can have a more mature, loving relationship, which means moving through things that show up.
Eva Beronius:So what is really at the core of this for me is there is not one journey into having the perfect relationship. No matter what you hear out there when it comes to advice, dating advice. This is how I found my partner. This is how you find your true love. This is what you the kind of boundaries and green flags and red flags you should look for when dating, and they all try to sound like there's one solution and one journey and if you just follow these steps, you will do great. Then you'll find your person, which just ends up adding more shame, often because we're like well, now, that didn't happen.
Eva Beronius:I followed all the advice on the text messages, the text replies I was supposed to send, and now they're not acting in the way that you know. This coach or this guru said they were going to act Because a lot of people are teaching from their experience. It's just like a chef or something teaching you how to make this boeuf bourguignon, but their way right. Follow these steps and you'll have this result. It might work for making a dish, for preparing food, but it's not going to work on your whole life journey, because you're here to learn things that others might not. Okay, the whole life experience is here to move through certain things, to come up against that friction, to grow into more of what you can be and to follow that heart desire which is life expressing through you and telling you here's where to go next, here, over here.
Eva Beronius:So, even though you're following all of the advice right all of the advice right and anxiously attached, people shouldn't date, you know, avoidant people period, and you might end up finding yourself really drawn and attracted to avoidant people. There's something in there, but I'm gonna teach you how to discern when you're just like re-repeating an old trauma wound and bonding and when you're actually practicing things that are having you grow. Okay, but we're all here with different life journeys, with different purposes, and I want you to have guidance that honors that, that always, always brings you back to your journey and not trying to have you have someone else's journey. Don't try and walk someone else's path. You're here to be a trailblazer on your own in your own life. Okay, and of course, there's support and guidance you can have, but I want it to point back to you. I want it to point back to your alignment, to your sovereign being, not like copy paste, repeat someone else's steps. So with this season, as you're hearing, this is part of that rebellion rebelling against singular advice or surface level action steps and really getting to know you, really getting to take this journey in a way that have you become more of you? I want you to learn to navigate from what's next for you. Okay, and I can already tease that at the end of June we'll be having a three-day event, a free event, where I'll kind of summarize what we've been talking about in the podcast and bringing you deeper into practices, and you'll be able to ask questions and we're going to have an amazing experience together and it's going to be called the Relationship Revolution. It's a big culmination of this season in the podcast.
Eva Beronius:So what I want to leave you with for this kind of introduction and welcoming into season three is to look at some of this in yourself, like what kind of beliefs have you been carrying about whether you're capable, able to have the relationship that you want? Are you carrying this sense that you know, once that person shows up in my life that makes me feel so loved and they treat me this way and that way, then I finally know that you know I have succeeded in all this inner work, then I've made it, you know. So maybe do some journaling around this, maybe feel into it, dream into it. But just look at the loud and subtle ways that that has been showing up for you, how you've been treating your inner parts from there, like, oh, this shouldn't be here because that means I can't have what I want yet. Okay, I need to reach a certain point before I can have this relationship that I want.
Eva Beronius:And the second invitation in all of this is take that into the body. Maybe you do that already now, or maybe you make this into a little practice on your own where you journal about this and then you sit down to feel into it. Because how have you been embodying that Like feeling into your nervous system? How is that alive? What impulses are there? How are, like you holding your shoulders or your jaw? How are you walking on the ground feeling like you're not there yet, feeling like you haven't earned a good relationship until you're fully healed? Like, how is that showing up? How are you walking into a space when you believe that?
Eva Beronius:So do a little inventory, both with awareness but also an embodied and embodied inventory, feeling into where this is alive. Okay, so have fun with this, explore. I hope this has been helpful in opening up some neural pathways, some new awareness around this and I can't wait to share the next episode with you where I'll take you through my own crazy and how I learned from it so that you can know how to take the gold out of your crazy episodes meaning when you withdraw, when you end a relationship in reaction, when you send all those crazy texts, when you you know you go do something that feels like you're crazy and once the wave is over you're like, oh man, what just happened. So I'll take you through one of my crazy episodes and I say that with so much love and teach you how I pick the gold out of that, how I find the gold and get into the healing, get into the loving that needs to happen. So much love. I'll talk to you soon.